Yoga

moving (1 of 2)

Moving Day Musings

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Something is better than nothing, always…but especially when you’re pregnant and moving from Japan to America by yourself because your significant other moved back 2 months earlier to start working. Not bitter just the facts. In my delicate condition I had to organize the export of a classic car, a comedy of errors as I navigated the Japanese Tax Office, Title Office and Customs officials. I also drove the 32 year old car farther than it had been driven in 2 years. In fact it stalled on the train tracks one of our last trips off base before Chris moved back and left me with a dead, poorly connected battery. Fast forward back to present, inspired by confidence in the battery I installed 3 days prior, I drove that son-of-a-bitch like an asshole for 2 hours, weaving through traffic and blaring T-Swift. Maybe it was the freedom of the open road, the excitement of moving or just sheer relief that the bad girl ran like a dream but T-Swift hit me hard and I sang along in tears like drunk Tokyo Karaoke Cerre. I later realized, it could also be the pregnancy…random joyful tears…anyone?

Additionally, I packed up two separate shipments, ensured the dogs vaccine currencies, health certificated and export licenses. I prepped the house for inspection which included fence tear down and organizing a team of experts (free squadron labor) to haul away the hand crafted deck Chris expertly installed in our back yard.

My Air Force Family

I even turned in old train passes and rolled left over yennies before leaving. I felt on top of it. I should also mention that every super productive, bass ass day that progressed was certainly followed by a barely get off the couch day. This is where I believe we give ourselves a break and remember that even a quick walk around the block, or even to the mailbox should count as a win. Something is better than nothing but no use getting down on yourself for a full day spent on the couch every once and a while.

Packing day brings particular stress. Below are the tips which helped make the process more palatable. Mostly I just kept reminding myself that the work is never done and something is better than nothing.

  1. Download a book, podcast or new album you are excited to listen to while you work.
  2. Set a schedule and work in chunks in the days/weeks leading up to packing day. Maybe you have a dedicated weekend or a 3 Saturdays in a row. Plan your day to include some normal activities too whether its a workout, walk or dinner with friends. Don’t just plan to wake up and work all day. I went one room at a time and threw out trash, pulled out donation items and returned random items to their proper room/location.
  3. Identify necessities. I taped off one closet for clothes, linens and towels which I planned to carry with me. I also taped a kitchen cabinet to safegaurd a pan, spatula, knife and dog dishes. Knowing that my dogs necessities and that I would always be able to make eggs made me feel self sufficient until the very end. It also helped settle in faster on arrival.
  4. Secure a bathroom. I moved everything out of the master bathroom except my travel toiletries. That way the movers didn’t have to enter my master bathroom and I had a sanctuary if every I needed it…plus my delicate condition put my bladder in a compromised state and I didn’t want to risk both bathrooms being occupied in a time of need.
  5. Build your nest. I rebuilt the spaces I need. With all the boxes around, I built a short table for journaling and kept a tiny supply of incense to give me that familiar calm feeling I’ve come to rely on during hectic times. I journaled all the frantic concerns going through my mind and the gratitude for the small successes.

Click for a link to some quick prenatal moves. There are a couple of modifications to note. If you are in your second trimester be careful with the seated chest opener, keep your feet on the ground and remember it is about deep core and pelvic floor engagement, not abs! Maybe skip it if your in your third and your belly is causing you to lean to far back. Secondly, drop to your knees for chaturanga pushups and when transiting back to downdog.

Option 1 (26 minutes): 8 moves, one minute each with a 30 second break in between, followed by a two minute break and repeat with opposite leg forward.

Option 2 (14 minutes): 8 moves 30 seconds on 30 seconds off, followed by 2 minutes, repeat with opposite leg forward

Option 3 (12 minutes/8 minutes): If you are really short on time or very pregnant, just do the 8 moves one round through 1 minute/30 seconds with a 30 second break in between. Be sure to swap legs half way through for the 2 moves which are leg specific.

binge (1 of 1)

Cravings or Binges

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In my delicate condition, I appreciate the importance of healthy habits. Everything from vitamins, nutrition, regular physical activity, sleep, even the type of media I expose myself to (I cut out violent true crime and horror stories). However, in my delicate condition, my daily routine changed significantly. Since I no longer wake up early to fly, I lost my excuse to miss weeknight social gatherings (before the stay home order). My lunch hour wasn’t consumed by a vigorous hour long workout and shower. In my first trimester I found myself vulnerable to less than healthy habits. I socialized more and stayed up later. I sat around snack tables I would otherwise completely avoid. I mindlessly consumed Dino nuggets at a Jurassic Park themed book club and downed mocktails at wine Wednesday. During my lunch break, I had time to sit around, maybe take in an episode of Kardashians while eating my carefully prepared, baby conscious health food followed by…oops half a bag of Stacy’s pita chips, handfuls of granola, a banana and home-made almond butter. Did I just sit down with the jar and eat it like ice cream? Now because of COVID and living in such close proximity to the pantry that the desire to constantly snack often gets the better of me. I am no stranger to accidentally binge eating, and it is too easy to justify this type of habit by chocking it up to being pregnant. However, deep down, I know better. I have this tendency. For me, it happens when I’m bored, lacking motivation to get work done and looking for a sense of comfort and productivity. Because if I’m cleaning out the pantry while catching up on Real Housewives, I’m multi-tasking damn it! In the Air Force they say ‘flexibility is the key to air superiority.’ In life, being flexible is being strong in your foundation while adaptive to the present moment. It was easy in my less than delicate condition to just avoid temptation. Now I need to examine my healthy habits and find ways to make them adaptable no matter my condition; traveling, sick, moving, delicate or otherwise. Now I realize the importance of having more sustainable habits to help navigate those waters. Here are my tips:

  1. Meditation, you can meditate in any condition, at any time…maybe not while driving or operating an aircraft. I like to meditate for 10 minutes in the morning. Sometimes they are guided, some are mantra and some are silent. This will quiet the mind and tune you into deep rooted feelings which may lead to unhealthy habits.
  2. Make a plate. Whether at home or a friend’s house, I will make a plate. After finishing the plate spend time connecting with someone. Make eye contact and invest in the conversation.
  3. Don’t multitask. If you insist on watching TV while you eat alone. Put down the plate and watch the show. Look at the people’s expressions and let yourself be present in the show. Binge watching shows while scrolling through an infinite social media feed while munching will surely lead to binge eating. Let yourself enjoy a satisfying meal and then let yourself indulge in your trash TV completely.
  4. Snap out of it. In my normal life I would say ‘ok girl, put down the pumpkin cookies and take the dogs for a walk. Then if you still want more when you come back you can have 2 more.’ In my delicate condition, I find myself a little too tired to make that technique a reality so I focus on my connection to the space around me. It helps to pause what I’m watching/eating and breath. I do this in public too. So far my friends haven’t noticed me 3 part breathing in front of the cheese tray but they wouldn’t be shocked or offended if they did.

5. MOST IMPORTANTLY! None of these things have anything to do with calories, restrictions or deprivation. Just simple ways to break the mold if you start to notice that you’re tumbling down the Cheetos bag. The last thing you want to do is get angry or annoyed. This is so much easier said than done. Ultimately a few binge eating events is not going to hurt you or your baby but it can easily destroy your self-esteem if you let it. That is why forgiveness and acceptance is the best approach. Whatever happens when the event is over, let yourself be. Be grateful for the abundance in your life. Use a positive mantra to replace any negative repetitive thoughts. Would you say to your baby ‘you are weak, you are gross, you are out of control’?! Of course not. So don’t say it to yourself. Say ‘you are loved, you are safe, you are provided for.’ Let your baby absorb the lessons of self-acceptance and love. Best to practice flexibility and forgiveness now because I have a feeling that will serve us better than the alternative when we meet these babies in the outside world.

Meditation has shaped my life and now my pregnancy. Try some of my favorites below for acceptance and letting go of stress.

My personal mediation for letting go physical and emotional stress.

Mariellen Brown Meditation for pregnancy anxiety.

The Soul Evolution Affirmations for self acceptance.

Tuesday (43 of 108)

Coming Clean

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So I am a C-130J pilot. Generally well liked and respected. I get selected for what many would say is the coolest gig in the AF for an active duty J pilot. I am headed to a location that works with a civilian factory rather than getting stationed on a military base. It’s worth noting there are a grand total of 5 active duty members in the shop. If you know anything about the military you will instantly recognize that awesome fact yields to minimal drama, minimal extra Air Force type work and let’s face it, I won’t have 5 bosses Bob. Finally a little break from deployments, endless training flights with people who barely know how to fly. Instead, a tiny team of super professionals with a very specific mission and tons of free time. It goes without saying that I am the only woman in the group but did I mention I’m the first woman to join the unit? Well women make up about 20% of the Air Force but only about 6% of pilots are women. So that makes my team significantly more balanced since I am 25% the pilot force. The team replaces themselves in sort of a bro-network method, easily vetting the short list of applicants. I was encouraged and flattered by their willingness to extend an invite to me. Maybe a little imposter syndrome set in, certain that they really just wanted my husband nearby to party with…but I would still have to be a person with whom they trusted to shut down engines in flight.

So when my husband and I first discussed children, and I do mean first time ever…upon getting engaged I asked him never to bring up children to me, in fact if you’re set on them, maybe find someone else…Anyway, like so many people, we figured out how to time pregnancy to our convenience. I really needed to have that baby and be back flying before moving into this coveted job. The longer it took, the closer it creeped to that moving date and more frustrated I became. I had to let go. I had to let go of my perfect timing, I had to let go of worrying about how my team would judge me or feel let down. I even let go of the idea of getting pregnant at all. I don’t mean that we stopped trying, quite the opposite actually (read more here). So when it happened for real, I found out I was pregnant on the exact day that half of team was in Tokyo conducting training. We all went out and caught up. My friends in Tokyo know that I don’t often drink and while I love sushi I despise salmon or when there are traces of fish skin on the meet. Since these guys are not used to my regular habits they accused me right away of being pregnant. They were playful but there was a hint of acknowledgment regarding the strain it would put on the group if I showed up the unit that way. I laughed it off, and stored a little anxiety for when the time would come to tell my future boss. On the new moon that month, I did a card reading. I drew the Black Egg, signifying truth and the 5th Chakra (the throat). This card would represent my moon energy, building up strength until the full moon. The full moon perfectly coincided with my 11th week, the earliest I would feel comfortable speaking about my pregnancy to others.

Fast forward to week 10 of my delicate condition and I’m getting text messages about my leave plans for May and June so they can build the schedule. Here comes the guilt and anxiety. Just a few more days until the full moon, week 11 and the time to come clean. After a beautiful full moon and an even better week ultrasound, the time had come to tell the team that I am all but useless to them. Legally they can’t be jerks, and as nice people they will at least feign happiness for us. However, I know it’s the opposite of beneficial to any of them. I called them one by one starting with my closest friend and ending with the boss. If I had told them through text message, I wouldn’t have heard their attempt to sound happy for me and would therefore insert the most negative spin on whatever they said, becoming utterly convinced that they hate me for hanging them out to dry. Calling them in person was the best decision I could have made. I hate talking on the phone and if they had a hint of audible disappointment, I would have been devastated. I told them plainly, I tried for different timing, timing was outside of our control and I know it’s a strain on the office but I vow to be as involved and present as possible. They were each supportive, the boss most of all. They expressed sincere congratulations and accepted my truth that I really want this job and will be dedicated to being awesome at it from the beginning, despite my delicate condition. It reminded me that while I spent time working on my own voice and finding the best way to express the truth, I also should have tapped into some trust. Trust that other people wish me well. Speech represents the most direct form of communication, not necessarily the deepest. Our shared experiences bind us together on a profound level. Luckily all of the people have their own children or aspirations to be parents soon. They expressed the feelings of enrichment their children bring them and truly share in my joy. Human connection begins with honest communication and while finding the strength to speak up challenges the body and soul, other people deserve the truth.

Try this throat opening sequence which strengthens the back and is suitable for my delicate condition. Stream this Spotify playlist along with the video.

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Redefining My Identity

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Most companies realize the importance of indoctrination. They take painstaking efforts to build a culture and community which people dedicate themselves to and on which they ultimately build their identity. The military mastered this idea, if not created it. The Marines for one probably have the strongest ethos of all the branches. ‘Once a marine, always a marine’ after all. From my very first day at the Air Force Academy, I resisted the indoctrination. I rebelled against the idea that my fellow classmate would be my most meaningful friendships. Hello! I went to boarding school and was practically adopted by my best friends’ families on weekends and big events. Those things stick with you more than gratitude that someone helped push your ass over a wall or carried your rifle when your sea-level, smokers lungs almost collapse on a formation run.

I never let the Air Force define me. Then, I reluctantly went to pilot training, fearing the 10 year service commitment post-graduation most of all. The instructors reminded us daily that our luck may run out and we wouldn’t be allowed to play pretend pilot anymore. We could easily be striped of our flight suits and sent off to be intelligence officers. The pilot training community represents the haves and the have not’s in the form of wings on your chest. I love a challenge and will not be told that I cannot have something. All my life if I put in the work, I see the results…except for getting pregnant, it didn’t work like that (read more about that here). In training, I always peak early and stagnate, placing me solidly in the upper middle of any sport or competition. That’s a comfortable place for me.

Even after the completion of training and wings on my chest, I felt like a fake. Mostly I felt so new to flying that my measly 100 hours meant nothing in comparison to the 1000 hour Captains with deployment experience. Fast forward 4 years and I’m an aircraft commander with deployments and 1000 hours, still sometimes felt like an imposter. Side note, I relate to a lot of what Sheryl explains regarding women in the workplace, but a shitload of men have this imposter syndrome also, especially pilots. We fake it and hide it well, but it’s there. I think even strangers picked up on this potential phony. Like they couldn’t believe me because maybe I barely believed it myself when I said the words “I am a pilot in the Air Force.” Many people looked at me in shock, some questioning how such a ‘little girl could fly them big ‘ole planes?’ I didn’t know either buddy. Finally, as a 2000 hour evaluator pilot, I have true confidence and comfort in my position as a senior pilot. Adults no longer look at me terrified when they realize how young military pilots are when I confess that I fly for the Air Force. Maybe they find my premature grey hairs reassuring. Although about a year ago a good ‘ole boy my very same age asked me ‘are you a real pilot or one them side chicks?’ He must have been confusing the Air Force with commercial pilots who I am pretty sure go from side chick to side chick…I shouldn’t joke since my husband just got hired by the airlines.

So now that I really embraced being labeled a pilot, I happily added it the list of other titles in which I find pride. I love being a student, a Sacred Heart Girl, a wife, a dog person, horseman, volunteer, amateur photographer, runner, yogi, health nut, USAFA Grad and pilot. But what happens when your delicate condition prevents you from riding your horse, keeps you from running and expanding your handstand practice. Most of all, prevents you from working the job you trained years for, spent your life perfecting and finally gained true confidence? What happens when you take almost a year off of those things? Every office consents to a slight amount of work stoppage due to pregnancy, but not that many women have to completely stop doing their craft the moment they think there’s a possibility of conception.

In my delicate condition, I lose a big part of what brings me satisfaction in life. Now comes the voice of my philosophy teacher. You are not your hobbies, you are not your thoughts, you are not your self-imposed titles. Positive or negative titles limit our thinking and prevent us from testing out new roles and prevent us from fulfilling our greater purpose. Most people realize the detriment of negative labels such as old, inflexible, scared, ugly, stupid. You’ll never allow yourself to take risks or experience life if you hold yourself back with those words. Well, it’s equally important not to hinge your identity on titles such as pilot, teammate, teacher, mother. Some people rely on physical titles like skinny, beautiful, blonde. We can lose all of those things in a moment. Why should we build so much importance around anything so far outside of our control? We are something so much deeper, part of a collective existence that transcends all of those labels. In times of doubt and sadness with the loss of those superficial identities, I turn inward, connect to my true self and acknowledge the divine within. Click here for a Delicate HIIT workout that made me feel a little more like my old self. Use this playlist to inspire a little motivation.

If you haven’t read Ekhart Tolle The Power of Now, at least google the first sentence. If you struggle with this idea, he explains it in a way which brings a sense of connection to the universe and your divine purpose. Just since I referenced it Sheryl Sandberg’s book is below.

Beach shoot (14 of 25)

A Brief History

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Yoga is more than just movement

Many people know that yoga encompasses so much more than down dog and the warrior triplets. There are 8 limbs of yoga actually, and the movement only represents one limb. Learning about the other 7 brought me to a place of peace, acceptance and preparedness for life. I spent my later 20’s being obsessed with working out, clean eating, greening up my routine and ridding my body of toxins. I really accepted that processed sugar, white flour and vegetable oil are the root of most illnesses. I felt invincible, from a physical, mental and even immune system level.

I enjoy studying, learning, practicing and most of all reaping the benefits of my hard work. This mentality served me through school, sports, the military, Tabata class, horseback riding, being a wife and just about every facet of my life. Until however, we made the RADICAL decision to ‘try.’ (More on my fear of terms like ‘getting married’ and ‘having a baby’ later…) ‘Trying’ consisted of decreasing my already rare alcohol consumption from the occasional bourbon to never and my keeping my processed food binges to a minimum. After a few months, I wasn’t terribly discouraged but decided I may need to dedicate some hard work to the effort. So I studied…studied how to eat for fertility, how to reduce stress levels and exercise for fertility. Which basically means, work out if you don’t or stop working out if you do. I tried both. I learned about the follicles, sperm counts, body temperatures, ovulation predictor kits…a lot of ‘trying’ for someone who never wanted kids in the first place. At this point I passed up fun flying trips like Mongolia, Alaska and Nepal out of concern for ‘missing the window.’ I stopped working out as vigorously, avoided vacation to zika infested places (oh by the way, that’s all the best ones in southeast Asia!). Ultimately, I started to drive myself crazy.

Enter yoga. I substituted yoga for HIIT and Tabata in an attempt to encourage egg quality or strong uterine lining. Slowly, my attitude changed from a feeling of ‘failing’ at what I was ‘trying’ so hard to do to that of acceptance and surrender to divine timing. I allowed myself to take work trips to Fiji, Thailand and Micronesia. All awesome experiences which provided additional elements and subtle signs pushing me forward. I wanted to learn more about this practice which sneakily impacted my life so profoundly. I picked up a few books off required reading lists for yoga teacher trainings and really devoured the philosophy. Learning about the other 7 limbs revealed insight into why my home asana practiced transformed my life.  I decided to put ‘trying’ on hold and go to yoga teacher training. This was the experience of a lifetime. It not only let me center my equilibrium after losing myself to the TTC game, but also recharge my enthusiasm for life after nearly a decade of filling a strictly disciplined military role. I did not grow up with that discipline and conforming really tipped me off balance. My dosha shifted from a Vata/Pitta to that of a Kapha/Pitta. I adjusted my diet, exercise and workout to support balancing my doshas and found a whole new take on life. I lost a few pounds of heavy mental sludge and left refreshed and ready to quit ‘forcing’ something to happen and accept life as it comes. Check out below for my recommended reading/listening and for a few prenatal friendly dosha balancing sequences.

Pitta Balance Sequence (coming soon)

Kapha Balance Sequence. A little quicker paced and slightly more invigorating to get the blood moving. It should inspire and motivate. Use the Spotify playlist here.

Vata Balance Sequence. Try streaming this Spotify playlist along with the video for added ambiance. This is a gentle slow flow to calm erratic energy.

Dosha Quiz

https://www.wtfyogapodcast.com/listen