Combat Training in a Non-Combat Condition
Falling pregnant and entering a delicate condition, I accept the lapse in flying training. However, out of dedication to my next job, I felt determined to complete any and all other training requirements associated with staying ‘mission ready.’ Ground training includes a plethora of online training events relating to everything from protecting information to human trafficking awareness. Easy…even in my delicate condition. I can risk the carpel tunnel of hours of clicking through slides. Aside from online training, there are also a number of in person classes. Again, sit in a class and discuss visual illusions and nuances of flying under night vision goggles…most of these I’m authorized to teach. Classroom setting, no biggie. However, a few refresher courses present a more hands on approach and only come around every three years.
Combat survival and Conduct After Capture refresher courses for example provide a little more intensity than your average power point show. On the first day we conduct a series of unarmed combat techniques on dummies and on each other. The second day is survival, simulating crash landing in enemy territory. From my memory, the training involves a fun hike through the woods, some face paint and maybe a little low crawling. Mostly, I remember sitting around board in the woods. My due date for the course was a month away and if I waited, my next unit would have to figure out how to schedule the class a year later. (See my post on coming clean to my tiny unit (hehe) and the inevitable strain I was about to cause them.) If I knocked it out now, I could spare them the slight inconvenience and potential week long delay to my already 9 months of ‘Not Mission Ready’ status.
My military discipline and determination set in and I signed up for the course. Day of the unarmed combat…it all came back to me. The throws and rolls and near choke outs…um OOPS! Soo…teach, I am on a physical restriction from the Doctor. I can’t even express how I cringe to use a Doctor’s note to get out of physical training, the ultimate wimp card in the military! I managed to keep it low key and feel ok about the things I skipped. Day 2, ‘crash land’…ohhh I remember now. It’s actually 35 degrees and raining…just like last time…how did I forget that?! The slow paced hike actually includes scrambling and full out climbing terrain changes, unstable footing with some butt sliding down the hills and significantly more strenuous work than my less delicate self would ever consider ‘strenuous.’ Too late, I’m in the shit now. Convinced that if I take it slow and persuade the group to be mindful of our course then I’ll be fine. Six weeks pregnant, my paranoia reached an all-time high. So too was my resistance to ‘be that girl’ who cannot keep up on a very simple hike. This phobia from a decade of conditioning persists despite the fact that everyone in the class recognizes me as one of the healthiest and most active people in the group. Still, my mental battle raged on. Every time we crossed the road I though about ditching the group and surrendering. I would still get credit and would definitely be safe. Somehow though, I carried on. I’ll be fine, this is not that hard. My heart rate isn’t even at 80%. Don’t fall. Sit and scoot across the log, down the hill. Keep warm. Keep dry. Something in early pregnancy about not letting your feet get too cold?? I managed to go the whole route without incident…until the final descent to the meet up point. Barely a butt slide but an unplanned one and enough to worry me. We made it to meet up site about 30 minutes before our meet up time. Now, I am in my element. Lay down under a tree, out of site of the ‘enemy’ but for this yogi…forest bathing. Root down into the earth, trust myself, trust my body, meditate on the life inside my womb and let us both fully connect to the earth. We did it, we are fine.
I respect that getting pregnant and staying pregnant requires a little more precise timing than our high school biology class suggests. However, our bodies have the innate intelligence to protect itself and the growing life force inside us. We cannot jiggle our embryo loose and induce a miscarriage as easily as we all think. Often people want to find a reason for someone else’s pregnancy struggles and end up blaming the mother. I believe this comes from an attempt to rationalize why it wouldn’t happen to them. This is a bias I choose to recognize and avoid. I blame no mother for the loss of their pregnancy or inability to conceive. I trust divine timing and the incredible complexity of life to accept that I am not at fault for the difficulty it took me to get pregnant, nor would I be at fault for a tragedy that befell my pregnancy. I live in awe of the human body and recognize this an opportunity to connect with my body and that of the life growing in me. I feared making that connection early on in case something happened and I lost it. This particular training event changed my thinking. I decided even if this does not go full term, I will take advantage of this unique time in my life and connect.
Any trimester meditations to relieve anxiety and connect with baby.
Or try my vata grounding flow if you haven’t tried this one yet.
I like this one for a shorter sequence.
